The fire was stolen

Wonder by Alex Grey

The fire was stolen
from the gods.
In its embers I saw a glowing universe.
Form and emptiness. Matter and spirit.
The eyes of the soul.

I sat on top of the world
Beneath the light of the full moon,
its light spreading.

In the silence, before the open temple
I found myself, the form of many truths,
the twinkle of my own star.

I penetrated the world I know viscerally.
From cell to cosmos.
Finding boundaries.
Overcoming thresholds.

Spirals of rainbows unfurled
inward and out.
From man to temple,
into the surrounding effigies.

A world unspoken
that lies between layers
of ethereal realities.

I sang my song in the stillness,
saw energy move in ancient gestures.

At sunrise I found laughter
resonating in my belly.

The echo of creation,
and the universe’s wink.
Sleep a long forgotten sister.

I plodded the sand, the whiteout,
the open loudness
in search of peace.

I stared my discomfort
and fear in the face.
Every time I closed my eyes
visions fought to hold on
to my tired mind.
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My Name

2013 copy

I searched and found that I have a name of kings. In an ancient language it means gift. It was chosen because in my father’s mind it was associated with outlaw. My parents were smitten by the rebellion and freedom-searching of a generation that wore flowers in their hair.

Along with my first name—a short name with lots of sound, a boy’s name in a girl’s body—came my second, or middle name. This was a cool sip of water that had Gaelic origins, and whispered and sighed, saying yes to unity and divine power. It welcomed all the gods, and spoke of its feminine gentleness.
Together, I was one. Clad in both my costumes, I became whole. I contained the sun and the moon, the male and the female. I had strength, frailty and awareness. I was the giver, and the taker. The fountain of life from whose source clear water sprung for others to drink. The one who also drew in and absorbed, and perhaps often, redistributed in one form or another. Sometimes form became ethereal, and in its diaphanous shimmering it sang into the moonlight, evoking an echo from a distant land that resonated over time. Who are you? Speak my language…
Growing up I always wanted to be a boy, and yet have come to find myself in my woman’s body and mind. A revelation in happening, I became who I was meant to be. I have walked on many paths, and am now finding the road that leads home. In its authentic moment of genesis my destiny was chosen and prescribed. My identity was written in my name—short sounding and sliding in its simmering emphasis.
Followed it was by a long whispering and secret sigh. This word was humble, and yet stood apart defining the identity of that which came before it. It made me a woman in my boy’s garb. Somehow it was my true calling and, if I could, I would have chosen it as mine—as a way to make myself known to the world around me. Not as a boy, a bandit, but as one who spoke truthfully, who in her wholeness contained wholesomeness. Who could describe the rainbow in its evanescence, and sit by the side of the river contemplating the passing water, and its shore. In that relationship—of shore and ocean—I found devotion, and also my true love, whose name speaks of salvation.
It was later, when I discovered in the gift of my name a most profound essence that had meaning beyond words. It signified that I was the bridge between opposite shores. I could speak both languages and make hands shake. Peace was in the making. I contained the power of the gift and was able to receive it.

I open my eyes

I open my eyes
To the new day, new year
Sunlight pours through the window
We honor each other’s presence
And delight in each other’s arms
Scent, skin, touch
I am in love
And it wanders through my being
Spreading like ripples in my
Atomic flesh and blood
Bubbles of wholeness singing
In cosmic harmony

Hearing the words of angels
And facing all in the moment
Calm, compassionate
Vehemently happy
Life full to the brim
Of cause, desire, ideal
Truth, possibility
And yet also struggle, loneliness, sadness
Possession, envy, jealousy, greed

The shadows allowing transformation to happen
Toes of a toad
I sing to the world
In a newfound language
Hoping for the myriad colors to mesh
With the infinitesimal beauty of coral
Jellyfish, peach, blossom

The thin red line that harkens
The coming sun rising
Over the desert plateau
The rainbow arching and spanning
From my heart to my mind

I heard the mermaid echoing in the distilled blue
Saw the starfish in the underworld
And words sprang like a crocus in the snow
Gently beckoning new life
This new year
New beginnings in which the voice resounds
Clear in the stillness
As the hope for fresh tears
Dew drops of this land
Mother of my mind
One we sing in the holiness
Of all