I spin the bottle

I spin the bottle
and the water drips and glides
into a reflecting pool
I watch the limpid glass pane
it is sweet
there are no tears, no salt

I climb the stairs
into the factory
there is no mudguard
for the pain that seeps against my heart

I feel as if a generator is using up
the extra energy lost in my soul
spinning it out like wool
braiding the threads like a dynamo
weaving my thoughts
into a quilt
a sheepskin
with which I can clothe myself
hiding from the monster
inside and out

I sit on the chair
staring into mid air
hoping that the bread of life
will prove to be more than the jellygraph
that resembled the jellyfish
I once saw melting on the beach
which reminded me
of glue and of lost thumb prints

the sky is steel grey
I aim for the truth
and seek perfection
striving to prevent my fears
to harpoon the unicorn
that symbolizes this divine beauty

the old man smiles
and twirls his mustache
as he looks down upon the world

I run in circles
mesmerized by the memory of days past
and those to come

once again I climb the ladder
descending into the pool
spiraling into a jellygraph
that melted into a jellyfish
hallucinated high
on glue into that unicorn
that then appeared so perfect
and now monstrous and odorous
a skunk escaped into my field of vision
and poured into a grain of salt
transformed into a diamond
that spun back into my bottle and was flung down the rabbit hole
along with Alice

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A one way ticket

[I am given a one-way ticket to anywhere
What would I do and where would I go?

I am given the possibility to be free
To create my own universe
Defying the laws of physics and of time

A one-way ticket to ride
The rollercoaster of life]

In the shallows, in the thicket, in the forest
Along the barges of the Hudson River
Down to the center of the Earth
Out onto the Yellow River
And over the Himalayas into the Ganges

The possibility to see corpses cremating
People gathering to celebrate life
—and death also—

I am given a ticket to be me

To glorify this moment
To find the shining gem
To grasp it and hold it
To carry it with me in this soul journey
Over the purple mountains and into the valleys beyond
The shadows of civilizations

To discover the principle dear to Man
That we live and love and create
For each other and with each other

I am the bird that flies in the sky
The fish that swims under the hull of the boat

The ticket is a piece of paper—and yet—
It represents the past and the future
It is the threshold that becomes now
Through which I step into the sundrenched hope of tomorrow—
The way I see life as a seashell unfurling inside and out

I step on the sand
Creating a footprint
A small vanishing form
Shaped by particles into particles

My shadow unfolds
I bend and pick up the seashell
Inside it is pink and shiny
It sings of an underworld that I have seen only in dreams

I listen, in solitude
I hear the sirens, the whispers
Hoarse and clear, laughing and crying
It seems that the boundary between the two is ethereal

A ticket to ride without a suitcase to hold
I stare at the sky
There is a plane
Where do all those people go?
How many lives exist in one life?
How many times do we get to reinvent ourselves?

I waged a war against nostalgia
And seemingly I have won
It is but a meager surmise
A summersault into thin air

I am the clown and I am still walking
On the same tightrope
At times it is taut, at others it lolls and swings
And I see the world upside down
Right side up

The sheet is white and lying open before me
There is no way back—
Or perhaps is it a circle¬—
Is that the ticket?
To circle through time?

To swing in the full of things
Hoping for more
Wishing to survive and to dive deeper
Into the blue
Into the ocean of time
Of life

Where does it start and where does it all end?

All today’s funerals… all tomorrow’s parties*

tangled fibers mixed with tousled emotions

i long to drink in a dark stream of pure water
to watch wild horses running across the plains

the loss of moral code makes everything relative
but inside my heart it is not so

red is red
and blue is blue
and i know you

so long the stars have linked us
it is not up to us to break the bond

the mind an unstoppable maze
in which the flowers of evil spread and bloom

can the core of beauty be re-established?
has unity been destabilized?

i long for the breadth of things
to be together
because of choice
ours

sounds become muffled
as do beliefs
in my dreams
i hear names called millions of times

i have repeated visions
rapping the inside of the hall to my brain

does it all have a meaning?
do things happen for a reason?

the world tumbling down the drain
like Alice down the rabbit hole

i want to be able
to look in your eyes and dream
to have faith in my visions
and to call them ours

i want your skin grafted on my nose
my geography navigated by yours

to hold the key to my heart
is heavy like water
and angels wings do not fear to tread

the key is heavy and leaden is the door

as i fear to look inside
purple clouds arise in gusts of doubt

can you hold the pebble of my life
in your hand without destroying it?

Atlantis sunk for the third time.
i know that the fourth it will drown forever,
sinking to the bottom of the sea.

* “All Tomorrow’s Parties”, The Velvet Underground