The Hunter’s Moon, a lunar eclipse

On her second Moon. The Hunter’s Moon, a lunar eclipse.

October 9, 2014

Last night was the Hunter’s Moon, and more so a lunar eclipse. The days are fading quickly into fall, although we are having a remarkably warm end of summer here in the northwest. The light has turned and the leaves are becoming more brittle, beginning their downward trend, and manifesting their golden crimson cloak.

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Today Selina is eight weeks old. I look back, and time seems to have flown by since she joined us two moons ago. Within me I have the felt sense that she has always been part of my life. There is a seamless transition between her being inside of me, and being outside, in the world… I feel she was always there, and then she came to us.

Each day our life changes in small shifts: steps leading forward. Even unconsciously at times, toward independence. Suddenly Selina is holding up her head more. Her expressions change daily. Since a few days I noticed she smiles with a mischievous grin at me, and a swishes her tongue out at me in response and imitation when I do it. She also reaches for her hands, trying to find her thumb with her mouth. She sucks on her whole hand, with loud appreciation. The drool has started too, and I wonder how long it will be before the path to teething. Movement, movement, so much movement too. Always on the go, kicking, frenetically, waiving her hands in the air. And all along making sounds. Not only can I differentiate the crying, but she seems to be exclaiming, communicating in different formations of patterns. Sounds differentiating daily from high pitched screams to coos, to exclamations.

There is more peace in our days too, and I feel that we are slowly and cautiously entering into a flowing rhythm I notice repetitions. I try to uphold consistency and routine in our life, for hers to meld into. Nap times, feeding times are starting to mirror. We have a bedtime ritual in which we sing and read, although Selina so far has not really paid much attention to us reading to her. She does however hear our voices, and I realize that when I do call out her name and coo to her, she stops in her tracks and listens, sometimes cracking a smile.

Overall I feel a sense of deep tiredness in my bones, alongside a shining joy to have this small, sacred being in my life. The emotions rise and crash. The days flow on. As we grow, we get to know each other. I try to stay present to her, to create small windows of time for myself to be me in. For Josh and I to be sane and loving, and to enjoy slivers of romance, savoring them for ourselves, for now and for the future.

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