August 5, 2014

Dearest Baby, dearest Moon Goddess,

In your shimmering silver rays I sway in ebb and flow. People ask if I “just want to get it done with.” I don’t feel that way at all. I cherish every moment that you are within me, silvery Moon child. Little lion horse. Yet I am so curious to see you finally! I so want to hold you in my arms. To have your father nuzzle against your infinite beauty.

I’m five days past my “due date.” Such a strange time of waiting and patience. The exercise of being out of control. I feel ripe, to release. Others see it in me too. In my belly. In my eyes. Yet the baby is comfortably seated inside.

I’ve had two nights with contractions. One on the new moon, one on the quarter moon. Sunday is the August full moon. Will she come then?

Shining Moon Goddess, one above and within, mysterious one, Mother Divine, I summon your help, now! Come to me! Come to my aid! Bring our moon tide, our Selina, on your waves, in your flow. I bask in your night. I rely on your delicate, strenuous strength to open me like a flower, to release this babe safely into the world. I hold this vision sacred, unto your mysterious waxing shape.

August 2nd, 2014

Dear Baby,
We are ready for you.
My body feels ripe to release you.
Your room is prepared; we have a bag for the hospital.
When you give us your sign we will call a tub.
We want you more than anything.
Come out into the world.
We await with open arms!

On her second Moon. The Hunter’s Moon, a lunar eclipse.

October 9, 2014

Last night was the Hunter’s Moon, and more so a lunar eclipse. The days are fading quickly into fall, although we are having a remarkably warm end of summer here in the northwest. The light has turned and the leaves are becoming more brittle, beginning their downward trend, and manifesting their golden crimson cloak.

Today Selina is eight weeks old. I look back, and time seems to have flown by since she joined us two moons ago. Within me I have the felt sense that she has always been part of my life. There is a seamless transition between her being inside of me, and being outside, in the world… I feel she was always there, and then she came to us.

Each day our life changes in small shifts: steps leading forward. Even unconsciously at times, toward independence. Suddenly Selina is holding up her head more. Her expressions change daily. Since a few days I noticed she smiles with a mischievous grin at me, and a swishes her tongue out at me in response and imitation when I do it. She also reaches for her hands, trying to find her thumb with her mouth. She sucks on her whole hand, with loud appreciation. The drool has started too, and I wonder how long it will be before the path to teething. Movement, movement, so much movement too. Always on the go, kicking, frenetically, waiving her hands in the air. And all along making sounds. Not only can I differentiate the crying, but she seems to be exclaiming, communicating in different formations of patterns. Sounds differentiating daily from high pitched screams to coos, to exclamations.

There is more peace in our days too, and I feel that we are slowly and cautiously entering into a flowing rhythm I notice repetitions. I try to uphold consistency and routine in our life, for hers to meld into. Nap times, feeding times are starting to mirror. We have a bedtime ritual in which we sing and read, although Selina so far has not really paid much attention to us reading to her. She does however hear our voices, and I realize that when I do call out her name and coo to her, she stops in her tracks and listens, sometimes cracking a smile.

Overall I feel a sense of deep tiredness in my bones, alongside a shining joy to have this small, sacred being in my life. The emotions rise and crash. The days flow on. As we grow, we get to know each other. I try to stay present to her, to create small windows of time for myself to be me in. For Josh and I to be sane and loving, and to enjoy slivers of romance, savoring them for ourselves, for now and for the future.

September 7, 2014

Tonight is full moon and I cannot believe my darling Selina was born just days after the last full moon in August. The name for moon and moon goddess in Greek is Selene, our child’s namesake. Her middle name, Morgan, is Celtic. It has many meanings, but one of them is bright sea. Selina is our moon of the bright sea… our sweet one, our moonbeam.
And as the moon in pisces tonight will shimmer on many waters, I choose to set goals of renewal, acceptance, unwavering, compassionate love, and transformation.
To this end, I’ll share a few words written in those days, one month ago, before I gave birth.

Dedicated to the August Full Moon:

Dearest Baby, Dearest Moon Goddess,
In your shimmering, silver rays I sway in ebb and flow. People ask: If I “Just want to get it done with?” I don’t feel that ay at all. I cherish every moment that you are within me, silvery moon goddess. Little lion horse. And yet I am so curious to see you! I so want to hold you in my arms, to have your father nuzzle up against your infinite beauty.
Shining moon goddess, one above, Mother Divine, I summon your help, now.
Bring our Selina on your moon tide, in your flow.
I bask in your light tonight. I rely on your delicate, strenuous strength to open me like a flower, to release this babe safely into the world.
I hold this vision sacred, unto your mysterious, waxing glow.